For the past six years I have been in the floral industry and the past 3 years a manger. Always working hard and putting in long hard hours. To all those brides and anyone who places a flower order anywhere your florist especially if they have a store front puts in some long hard hours! That is externally true for the holidays. Floral is an art it’s not just throwing things in a vase or in some paper. If we don’t want to hear you complain we have to put in A LOT more time then that. Even though many don’t realize that it truly does take some type of talent!
Now with all that said I have made it through many holidays since having Gemma. All of which in the past year have been short staffed thanks to Covid and the fact you can’t find people to work. But the day before Valentine’s Day as a mom working bothered me, which makes no sense since clearly I’m usually working it?! We are thankfully not open tomorrow on Valentine’s Day since the owner along with a lot of the staff are religious and we all strongly believe Sunday especially is a day for your family!
So Gemma is always with me including at work ALWAYS! However, she is now mobile and is very loud when not able to be mobile as she is bored! So I decided she should stay at home with her daddy! Today was the longest I was ever away from her and the first time outside of delivering wedding deliveries she was not with me. This pulled on my heart strings terribly. It brought tears to my eyes coming home to see her just in time to eat dinner, play 20 minutes and put her to bed.
Valentine’s Day showed me how even though it’s not a big holiday to me for a very short period of time starting next year it will be special to my daughter! I will likely miss a lot of it always, just like all other holidays. So cue the emotions of feeling like a bad mom or at least too busy of one!
I knew this going into my line of work of course but I never thought I would feel so much guilt and so hurt! It’s amazing how becoming a mom has changed my heart and soul to the deepest extent. Not to mention the fact I literally have not gotten to see most of our animals all week! Which is also one of my favorite times with Gemma aside from just any day on the weekend!
So this is my thoughts of the day as I sit here tearing up! Happy early Valentine’s Day! I’m off to cry myself to sleep feeling guilt. It’s hard to feel guilt about something but it’s finding that balance which takes time as a new mommy. I am sure I will get it some how or some way!
In Silos View 